E-mails

I've noticed that my e-mailing habits have changed dramatically over the last few years. I suppose, to be completely honest, the turning point was having children, which is probably not so surprising.

Nevertheless, as one of the earliest of my generation to start e-mailing - I know e-mails had been around for a while when I started university but they hadn't hit the public consciousness in the way they have now - I find it interesting to look at how my approach to e-mails has changed.

When I first started e-mailing, it was really a novelty. I loved the instantaneousness of it, and, to be quite honest, the lack of cost! I was a student, with little money and a free e-mail account in college. In those days, everyone was entitled to an account, but they weren't that highly publicised and you had to go and enquire off your own bat to get one. Not very many people that I knew had e-mail... I nagged my friends to sign up in their universities and one or two did, but initially I was writing to the friends that I made through the e-mail system at my university.

At that stage, letter-writing as a way of keeping in touch was central to my mindset. I had moved schools aged 14 and had not the money to make regular phone calls so had sent lots of letters. When I began e-mailing, I saw e-mails as a faster and cheaper way of writing letters.

I used to play around too - writing fun stories for my friends and sending them as e-mail installments. Well... they were fun for me. I now imagine that my friends regarded them as a bit of a chore, but never mind.

As time passed, and almost everyone got e-mail, I began to think it strange when someone I knew didn't have this way of communicating. I also found I was less frequently in touch with those who didn't - or was it more frequently in touch with those who did?

Given the instantaneous nature of e-mails, though, my expectations of correspondence changed. Back then, I checked my e-mail whenever I was in King's, and sent out replies as soon as I received the e-mail... assuming I had enough time before a lecture. Any e-mails that were unreplied to I felt hanging over me until I had replied.

I could never understand people who didn't acknowledge or reply to messages. E-mails are so fast and easy, it seemed the height of laziness not to reply immediately.

When I look back at these attitudes I feel almost divorced from the Dragon I used to be. Having children, specifically looking after babies, and doing a PhD has taught me how precious time is. I still love to send long, letter-like e-mails to some people, and that is time-consuming, so I put off replies until I have the time to write a good one. Sometimes that means it's a month or more before I sit down to the task, which is terrible.

I have learnt to value the potential for quick e-mails, as a substitute for telephone calls. I love calling friends but I never know when it's convenient, and if it's just a quick query and I don't have the time to chat then an e-mail is marvellous for touching base. I don't like business phone calls so e-mail is a handy refuge there too. Of course, I know that e-mails are not a substitute for telephone calls, nor for face-to-face encounters. I also know that I would rather receive a letter than an e-mail, and imagine that a lot of people feel the same. But there just isn't always the time!

I also now understand why people don't reply immediately. As I said, I don't always have the time for a lengthy reply and so I wait until I do. But there's another reason too. I have come to suspect that for some people, being bombarded with e-mails is stressful as they feel under pressure to reply and are probably quite busy. For some friends and aquaintances, therefore, I judge it prudent to delay my reply for a couple of days at least, so that they don't feel that I'm expecting as speedy a response from them. Unfortunately, the couple of days then stretches into longer as I let e-mails build up and don't have time to deal with them all, until, every so often, the size of my inbox frightens me and I give up a couple of hours to write all those replies that are outstanding. A lot less instantaneous than it used to be. But at least my expectations are more realistic. I hope!